devoid of emotion
by p.s.lethologica
Summary: they were both breaking, piece by piece, but neither one would show it. "I'm tired of fighting." Those words kept replaying in his mind, three weeks after they were first spoken.
1. devoid of emotion

_***author's note***_

 _ **review for a virtual gingerbread man because it's nearly christmas and i'm feeling gingerbready (if you don't like gingerbread men, fret not - it's only virtual)**_

* * *

 _ **~ * they were both breaking, piece by piece, but neither one would show it * ~**_

 _"I'm tired of fighting."_

Those words kept replaying in his mind, three weeks after they were first spoken. How dare he? Who was he to say that? He, the one who was supposed to fight for them. The one who promised to protect Jade, at all costs. He could safely say that he had failed on both counts. Sure, he may have been tired of the constant fighting, but that didn't give him the right to say it out loud, especially not in front of their friends. He had humiliated her, in the worst way possible.

If he could just rewind to a time when they were truly happy (he couldn't quite remember when that was, if he was being honest with himself), then everything would be okay, and he wouldn't be sat here, alone. Alone, in the dark (he couldn't muster the energy to walk to the light switch). Alone, in the dark, with a bottle of Jack Daniel's (he didn't mind the taste of it, and it made him feel the slightest bit better). He just wished he could be there with Jade in his arms, kissing her soft head, whispering into her smooth hair, squeezing her pale thigh, his hand sliding up, and up, and...he didn't have that anymore. Sure, she walked out, but he let her. He let her walk out of that fucking door.

He tried to tell himself that they'd be back together within a week, that she would come into his RV, at whatever time in the morning, screaming bloody murder, and then he'd tell her how much he loved her (more than he could say) and they'd kiss and make up (the best part of their fights). But as much as he tried to tell himself that, he knew it wouldn't happen. It couldn't. They were both stubborn, broken, lost souls; their paths had collided once, but the collision had passed, and now they would never cross again, at least not in the same way. He just couldn't stand the pain. It would be easier to not feel a thing. To be devoid of emotion. What a blissful concept. Yes, that's what he'd do - become devoid of emotion. The pain would end, and he could get back to normal (or as close as he could).

* * *

 _ ***author's note***_

 _ **okay so i wrote this stor ago, before i even thought about publishing anything, and back in a distant time where i knew how to write and had inspiration pouring out of my ears. so, apologies for this not being completely original (well...it technically is...but i feel like a cheat). basically, i was scavenging through my old stories, trying to find a scrap of inspiration, and completely forgot about this. i kinda like it, which is rare for me, because i hate everything that i do XD. if you guys like it, i might post a second chapter, through Jade's perspective?¿? let me know!**_

 _ **ALSO the cover image is a picture i found on tumblr, all credits go to the photographer :]**_

 _ **okayyy that was too long for an author's note and i hate it :::)**_

 _ **peace out,**_

 _ **Egan x**_


	2. heartbroken heartbreakers

_"When you grow up, Jadelyn, you're going to be a little heartbreaker, I can already tell."_

 _"Is that bad?"_

 _"No, no, sweetie!" her mother laughed, grinning at the puzzled six year old._

 _"But, why would I want to break people's hearts?"_

 _"So they don't break yours first."_

 _"Why would someone want to break my heart?"_

 _"Because the world, my dear," she said, her voice growing low. "Is a cruel place." Despite the glass of wine in the woman's hand, her voice was eerily sober, her laugh chilling; it scared Jadelyn._

 _"Why is the world cruel?"_

 _"Fuck knows."_

/

She took a sip from the bottle of Jack Daniel's, which resided in her pale, trembling hand. She hadn't cried yet. Not one tear had been shed. But, for some reason, unbeknownst to her, she didn't feel stronger, having not cried. She felt weaker. For she had an ache in her chest; in her heart, if she would allow herself to think that, which would not go away. Her head throbbed and pounded, even though the alcohol made her feel fuzzy. Her thoughts would not fade, no matter how many sips she took.

She hated it. She hated that she couldn't make these feelings go away. And, she hated that she had tried to quash the feelings with alcohol, of all things. She was pathetic, and useless, and nothing short of a shitty person; she knew this, now more than ever. She cursed herself, again and again. But, she still carried on taking small sips from the large bottle, draining the hideously brown liquid, and letting it slide down her throat.

Her fisted hand fell over her chest, colliding with a cool, metal ring, hanging from a cord, around her neck. She violently pulled on the cord, propelling the necklace across the room. The sound of it hitting the mirror shocked her, and made her wince, as her ears rang. She knew it would've hit something, so why was she so on-edge? She walked over to the mirror, finding the cord hanging from the edge of it. She took it in her hand, kissing it; she nearly apologised to the damn necklace, but then realised that it couldn't hear her, because it was a damn necklace. It wasn't hurt; it couldn't feel pain.

But she could. She clenched her fingers around the ring, taking a swig from the half-empty bottle. She screwed her face up, her mouth burning, lusting for...no. She swallowed harshly, failing to resist the growing urge to stalk his Slap Page.

 **Beck James Oliver updated his Slap Status: i don't think i'm okay..**.

Jade let a bitter laugh escape her bitter lips, staring blankly at her phone screen. Jade August West has entered private chat room.

 **Message from Jade August West to Beck James Oliver: So, is Beckbot having a malfunction? I mean, how else would a robot not be okay?**

 **Message delivered at 20:34.**

She proudly smirked at her 'wit', before finding herself looking through her camera roll. She hadn't realised how much of her life revolves...had revolved, around Beck. It wasn't healthy. She depends...depended solely on him for her happiness. It just wasn't right. It was a high school relationship; why the hell did she ever expect it to end in anything other than heartbreak? More the fool her. She was sure that if anyone could see her now, they would laugh in her face. That's probably what they were all doing at Tori's. Laughing. At her. At her stupidity. She'd thought at least Cat would check up on her, but no. Her supposed BFFLAEM (Best Friend For Life And Ever More - Cat's idea) had yet to check on the broken, torn, crushed Jadelyn.

 **Message from Beck James Oliver to Jade August West: i don't know what to say...**

 **Message delivered at 20:35**

Her face paled as she read the message. That's all he had to say? He chucked nearly three years of a relationship, healthy or not, down the drain, and all he had to say for himself was that he didn't know what to say. Fucking typical. And he just let her insult him. He didn't even try to defend himself; he was playing himself off as the good guy, the hero of the story, who was relentlessly abused by the Wicked Witch of the West, during their relationship, and afterwards, when his poor, broken soul longed only for peace, which she would not give him. Well. Two can play at that game.

 **Message from Jade August West to Beck James Oliver: As if I care. Better start learning, because you probably don't even know that.**

 **Message delivered at 20:56**

The thing is, her message wasn't true, not even in the slightest. She did care. That's why she was stuck here, drinking Jack Daniel's, and caressing a necklace. She couldn't stop caring. The past three hours of her life had been hell. When she was in and out of hospital, Beck had been by her side. When her father yelled at her, and threw things at her, Beck had defended her. When she was ill, Beck nursed her. He'd got her through so much. But now...now she was alone.

 **Message from Beck James Oliver to Jade August West: meet me at the park in 5mins.**

 **Message delivered at 21:03**

 **Message from Jade August West to Beck James Oliver: Why should I?**

 **Message delivered at 21:05**

 **Message from Beck James Oliver to Jade August West: please jade. i will go, and you will turn up, or you won't. goodbye.**

 **Message delivered at 21:06**

 **Beck James Oliver has gone offline.**

Although she had no reason (really, she didn't) for going, she was getting bored of staring at the glass bottom of the empty bottle. She grabbed her purse, that had a flask tucked away in it, and stepped into the cool night air, slamming the door shut, behind her. She stumbled down the path (in her defence, it was dark), her vision going blurry, and oh, what a pretty light. You know, when she got to the park, she was going to give Beck a piece of her mind. Yes. That was it. That was the reason she was going. He was going to listen to her. He had to. It was all she had left.

He was already sat on one of the swings when she got there. "Hey," he said, trying his best to put on a weak smile.

"What?" she snapped, putting her hands on her hips.

"Okay...I won't try and be nice then."

"What's new?"

"Please don't."

"Don't you think you should've said that before you let me walk out that fucking door."

"Jade, please. I didn't mean to. I thought this was what you wanted."

"No. This is," she said, leaning over to kiss him, her lips burning with passion (or maybe just whiskey). He pulled away from her, looking her in the eyes.

"No it's not," he muttered sadly, his hands around her wrists. "You're drunk. You won't remember this tomorrow."

"I may be drunk, but I know exactly what I'm doing." She tried to kiss him again, but he held her back, his grip soft against her wrists.

"You can't go home like this. Come back with me, you can sleep at mine." Without another word exchanged between either of them, he stood up, wrapping his jacket around a shivering Jade, who leant against his chest as they walked; he didn't have the heart to push her away, he'd already done enough tonight.

He helped her into the RV, walking her over to the bed. She instinctively pulled him on top of her, him doing his best to gently pull away. "Beck, why don't you love me anymore?" she slurred, half asleep already, her head tilting back against her arm.

"I do," he whispered, barely loud enough for himself to hear, knowing she wouldn't remember this in the morning. He pulled her shoes off, and climbed in next to her, pulling the sheets over them both. If she wasn't going to be in pyjamas, then neither was he; he was fine with it, anyway.

/

The next morning, despite the pounding in her head, everything remains clear to her. She tried to kiss Beck. He rejected her. He took her home. She still loves him. He's still asleep. His arm is twitching, and it feels wrong to have it not be around her.

His eyes flicker open, and he sees her lying next to him. He automatically feels the urge to lean over to kiss her temple, to say, "Good morning, my love," to run his hands over the beautiful curves of her body, but has to draw back to reality. Funny; it didn't feel like reality. It didn't feel like anything. But he knows he can't touch her. He lost that privilege. The privilege he had worked so hard to earn, building up her trust, knocking down her wall, to just make it reverse on itself. The trust she had for him was long gone, and the wall was higher than before. He knew that. Did he still have the right to try and break it down? (Probably not). Would that mean he wouldn't try? (He didn't know anymore).

As much as she hates herself for it, and wants to hate him for it (though, she never could bring herself to feel resentment towards him), she wishes he would kiss her forehead, like he used to. She craves the husky, "Good morning, my love," that would be murmured into her hair, so softly vibrating through her body. She misses the feeling of protection, from what, she never knew, that would ripple throughout her being, so long as he had his arm around her.

* * *

 ** _*author's note*_**

 ** _okay, so i guess no one wanted a virtual gingerbread man ? no favourites, no follows, no reviews. gee...the one time i'm proud of a piece of writing, no one takes notice. well, seeing as no one told me they didn't want a second chapter of this, i decided to post it anyway. please tell me what you think, even if you think it's bullshit._**

 ** _peace out,_**

 ** _Egan x_**


	3. it's a revolution, i suppose

_***author's note***_

 _ **welcome to the demise of bade (part one!), leading up to The Worst Couple ( ◠‿◠ )**_

 _"You told me you'd be back before 10." Jade's eyes narrowed, her deep voice eerily calm._

 _"I know babe, I'm sorry, but you know how bad the traffic gets on Fridays. Besides, I'm here now, and I'm not alone! Wait for me to get something out of the car."_

 _"WHAT? Are you fucking kidding me? Your whore's just dying to meet me, is she?"_

 _"Jade, hold on a minute. Maybe I should've phrased it better: I brought some Karoakie Dokie back. And I'm not cheating on you!" This had been happening more than usual, more than it should've, over the past few weeks; Jade accuses him of something outrageous, and he begs for forgiveness, despite not knowing himself what he'd done wrong._

 _"Well, I'm not hungry," she shrugged, pulling at the tassels of one of Beck's cushions._

 _"You said you were hungry. That's why I came back so late. Because you wanted food."_

 _"I know, but now I don't," she growled, her voice raising a few decibels. It was barely noticeable, and Beck doesn't think he would've noticed it, if he hadn't been paying complete attention to Jade. Still, he was annoyed. So annoyed that he didn't even try to extinguish the fire. In fact, he as good as fanned the flame._

 _"Well, what am I meant to do with this now, Jade?"_

 _"I don't know, Beck! I don't fucking know!" she exploded, the cushion she was once holding, propelling towards her feet._

 _"It's only food, Jade. God, you always have to overreact!"_

 _"Oh." She could feel the blood bubbling and boiling beneath her skin, infecting her body with burning rage, making her head pound, with every beat of her heart. "You think I'm overreacting? 'It's just food'," she mocked, waving her hands wildly, as one snatched out to the bag of food in her boyfriend's hands. She took it over to the buzzing fish tank, emptying its contents into the murky depths of the glass fish cage._

 _"Jade, what the fuck? Are you trying to kill my fish?"_

 _"You tell me, seeing as you have the power to know exactly what I'm thinking."_

 _"If I knew what you were thinking, I would've stopped you turning fast food into fish food. Ugh, you're so-"_

 _"What, Beck? Come on, spit it out! I'm so what?"_

 _Beck fell silent, his hair knotting itself in his hands._

 _"Don't leave your sentence unfinished. Spit it out," she hissed, trying to stare him out, but to her dismay, he would only look at his boots. He just wanted to slow his heart, his breathing. He hated being so...irrational. And hotheaded._

 _"Look, I don't wanna fight, okay? Just help me rescue my fish."_

 _"Ha! It's a bit too late for that, don't you think?"_

 _"No, there's still time to save them, if we just get a bucket..or-"_

 _"Forget about the fucking fish, you moron!"_

 _"Jade, I didn't mean-"_

 _"Didn't mean what?"_

 _"Would you just let me finish?!" he roared, his voice silencing the air around him, until all he could hear was the blood rushing through his ears. Until, he heard a sharp slap. Then the stinging began. Without thinking, he pushed her backwards - it wasn't a hard push, he hadn't lost all of his senses - but she tripped on something that he didn't care to notice. "Jade, I-I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to do that." And they were back where they started._

 _"You know what? I don't care," she spat, standing up and brushing her clothes off. Heading towards the door, she turned to look at Beck over her shoulder, her hair whipping around her face. "I'm going for a walk. Don't follow." So he did as she said, just waiting for a text, asking him to come and pick her up. He knew, or rather hoped, it was only a matter of time._

 _/_

 _"Why are you freaking out, Beck? What's your deal?"_

 _"Are you flaming kidding me? It's 1am_ _and I didn't get so much as a text."_

 _"If you were so concerned, you have a phone as well, you know. You could've text me. Or maybe that was your plan all along. Maybe you just wanna break up with me, and paint yourself as the victim."_

 _"Jade, I have never said I've wanted to break up with you, and you know it!"_

 _"That doesn't mean you haven't thought it. If you could turn back the clock, back to that night with the dog, would you have taken me back?"_

 _"In all honesty...if I'd have known we would end up like this...I-I don't know."_

 _"Ha!" she snarled, glaring at him. But he could see through all that. He could see the pain in her eyes, just as he could feel the regret in his heart._

 _"Listen, Jade, do you want to make this work?"_

 _"Do you?" she yelled, her balled fists shaking with rage. "Or can you not wait to get rid of me, just like last time?"_

 _"If I could remind you, you dumped me."_

 _"And do you remember why I dumped you, Beck? What choice did I have?"_

 _"Nothing was going on between Alyssa and I, so don't play that card! You had a choice, and you chose to leave me."_

 _"And then you chose to not take me back. Now, answer me this: did you ever cheat on me?"_

 _"Jade!"_

 _"I knew it! I knew it all along!"_

 _"Jade, I have been nothing but faithful to you, maybe even more so than you have me."_

 _"What's that supposed to mean?"_

 _"I've seen the looks other guys give you; who's to say you don't give them back?"_

 _"You really wanna go there? You're such a prick!"_

 _"I'm not the one being so obnoxious and paranoid."_

 _If you wanna break up, just let me know," she hissed, her breathing slowing, as her heart rose into her throat. "Just say the word," she whispered, her hushed tone juxtaposing and ending the screaming match she had just initiated. She played with the numerous rings on her long, slender fingers, her nails digging into the palms of her hands. He took her hand in his, bringing it to his lips, as he closed his eyes._

 _"I don't. I just don't want to fight all the time."_

 _"We don't fight all the time," she muttered, abruptly snatching her hand back._

 _"I beg to differ," he groaned, his hand running through his hair._

 _"Do you, now? Do you really, Beck?"_

 _"Yes," he said defiantly, staring into her eyes. "Yes I do."_

 _"We don't fight all the time! We are a perfectly happy couple!" she yelled, her hands flailing sporadically._

 _"Jade," he mumbled sternly, trying to take hold of her wrists. "Jade!" he said again, forcing her to look at him, and stop her flailing. "We're fighting about whether we fight a lot or not."_

 _"Bu...I..." she stuttered, at a loss for words. Her face crumpled in defeat. "You're right. I'm sorry I'm such a shitty girlfriend - hell, I'm a crappy friend too."_

 _"I'm sorry too," he said, gently tracing the lines on her palms. "I love you," he mumbled through a kiss, which he's pressed to her forehead._

 _"I love you too."_

 _/_

 _"What the hell was that about?"_

 _"What was what about?" He sounded tired. Even he could hear it._

 _"Alyssa fucking Vaughn."_

 _"Are we really gonna have this fight again?"_

 _"Are you really gonna fuck her again?"_

 _"Jesus...for the last time: I. Have. Not. Cheated. On. You!"_

 _"Then I guess we aren't having this fight again," she scoffed, a scowl fixated on her red face._

 _"Well, you say that, but you just love picking fights with me over fuck all."_

 _"Maybe I wouldn't have to start fights, if you didn't give me ammunition and a fucking spark!"_

 _"Really? You're gonna use metaphors against me?"_

 _"Yeah, yes I am," she asserted, folding her arms across her chest._

 _"You're intolerable at times," he sighed, rubbing his temples with his forefingers._

 _"That may be, so why have you stayed with me?"_

 _"Because I love you!"_

 _"Why? Why don't you just leave, if I'm so intolerable?"_

 _"You're impossible when you're like this."_

 _"Like what?"_

 _"Like a crazed Northridge girl!"_

 _"You would know, you've fucked 'em all!"_

 _"You know what?"_

 _"What?" she spat._

 _"I'm going for a walk."_

 _"Sure, a walk," she growled, placing quotation marks over the word._

 _"Yes, a walk," he said, slamming the door shut behind him, leaving Jade stood stock still, her nails drawing blood from her hands. She fought for breath, as she collapsed against the bed post, her bloody nails clawing at her chest and neck. Every breath she took in, twisted another knot around her lungs, constricting them, like a snake, going in for the kill. She didn't know if Beck would be back, not this time. She knew he hadn't slept with anyone...but he could've. He could've slept with every slut California had to offer. Or maybe he was more into Canadian girls. Either way, he wasn't into her. He didn't want her anymore; did he ever want her in the first place? She wondered when she had become this fucked up. She had a beautiful, amazing, wonderful boyfriend, and she managed to screw it up by going and thinking things like that. He wasn't a liar; if he says he's faithful, why didn't she believe him? She had every right to, but she couldn't help but question him. Call it...her nature, or whatever. Either way, it was exhausting, and she could feel it slowly consuming her._

 _Much to her surprise, he did come back. Less than an hour later, too. He knocked on the door of his RV, but wasn't answered, for Jade had fallen asleep (god knows how), against the bedpost. He crept in, fixed in a state of incomprehension. He couldn't decide whether he wanted to kiss Jade, or leave again, and whether he would leave for good. He, too, collapsed to the floor, an inch or so away from Jade. His hand twitched, longing to hold her own in it, leaving him wondering why he didn't just take it._

 _"Beck?" she mumbled, her voice fused with sleep._

 _"Yeah?" he whispered, huskily, gently pushing a strand of hair away from her face._

 _"If...if we stop working, don't try and fix what's already broken."_

 _"Wh..what do you mean? What time is it?"_

 _"Just past 3."_

 _"Go back to sleep."_

 _"'Kay," she muttered, not bothering to ask for him to tell her he loved her, because she was more scared for the answer, than she ever had been. She wanted more than anything to tell him how she felt, how she couldn't be the villain anymore; how she couldn't be the girlfriend that no one invited to family meals, the friend that no one asked to sleepovers, the stupid, selfish bitch that no one wanted to know. But she stayed quiet, pretending to be asleep, until maybe she did actually drop off; maybe she didn't sleep at all, but either way, morning came._

 _/_

 _"Jade, you can't just talk to Sikowitz like that!"_

 _"Like what?" she scoffed, making a beeline straight to the vending machine, where she aimlessly tapped the glass, before deciding she didn't want anything anyway, and walked off in another direction._

 _"He's your teacher. You can't call your teacher fucked up."_

 _"He's my teacher. He can't just call me a selfish gank and expect me not to react."_

 _"Look, I'm sure he didn't mean-"_

 _"You said that last time. And the time before. I'm pretty sure he means it."_

 _"Well, maybe, from some people's perspectives...he's kind of...a little bit...right."_

 _"There is no way in hell you are standing up for him."_

 _"Jade, I'm just saying-"_

 _"Well, don't! And don't expect me at the RV tonight. I'm going home as soon as I can."_

 _"You would seriously rather be with your father and his whore than me?"_

 _"Right now? Definitely. I guess this is soon. Bye."_

 _"Wait, you know I don't like leaving things on a bad note," he said, gently grasping her arm. "We've been doing that a lot lately, and it's been eating away at me. Please...don't go to your dad's house; come home. With me." She looked at him, preparing to scoff, but then she saw the sadness in his coffee coloured eyes, the blood-red streaks lining the whites of his eyes, contrasting with the purple shadows underneath. How long was it since he had a good night's sleep? "Besides, if you leave school now, you'll be missing our last two periods, and you know they'll call your mom and dad in, and I'm sure you don't need reminding of what happened last time."_

 _"You're right. I don't. So don't. Remind me, I mean." Her thoughts scattered throughout her mind, as she tried to find the words to say...well, she didn't know what. That was the problem._

 _"So...will you come to the RV tonight?" His bloodshot eyes glimmered with hope, his shoulders raised in anticipation._

 _"We'll have to see," she purred against his cheek, pecking it, before pulling back to wink at him. For just a second, the old Jade was back. God, how he had missed her._

* * *

 ** _*author's note*_**

 ** _so...it's been a while_** ◑.◑

 ** _but, alas, i am back. i'd like to say i've been somewhere super exciting and that's why i haven't posted in over a month, but unfortunately, i have merely been drowning in school work, and the consequential self-loathing and atychiphobia_** **¯\\_(** **ツ** **)_/¯**

 ** _but i am getting help from a teacher, and have supportive friends around me, so_** **hopefully** ** _everything will get better. anywhooo nobody cares about me. thank you for the recent reviews on my stories CrazySerena13, and everyone else! with luck, i'll write and upload part 2 soon, feel free to pm me or dm me on instagram ( autumnbade :p) and let me know what you want to see (from this story, and ttiapol)_**

 ** _love you guys._**

 ** _peace out,_**

 ** _Egan x_**


	4. painted red to fit right in

**_i would like to dedicate this chapter to Enchantix6789, thank you for your kind words, whether i deserve them or not xx_**

* * *

 _The entire canteen buzzed in uproar. All eyes were on them; more specifically, Jade and Tori. Screaming._

 _Jade may or may not have called Tori a (goddamn, mother fucking) whore. And Tori may or may not have thrown her (iced, black) drink over Jade, in retaliation. Beck knew he should've anticipated something like this happening, knew he should've let Jade stay at home, just like she wanted._

 _But it was too late now. The proverbial (and non-proverbial) claws were well and truly out. In fact, Jade had had a manicure the night before, especially. Sharpened black talons, ripe and ready for scratching each strand of hair off the stupid bitch's scalp._

 _Beck had to prise Jade off the (goddamn, mother fucking) whore, moments before the esteemed principal walked through. He let go of his girlfriend, not wanting to paint a suspicious scene in front of Helen, only to watch Jade, who was dripping with coffee, storm off into the building._

 _After Helen had completed her inspection, Tori turned to Beck;_

 _"You must be pretty close, if you find her petty and untrusting nature endearing."_

 _"Wow, that's a big word, Tori. Nice use of passive aggression, too." With that, he, too, left the canteen, heading back into the building. He wasn't going to stand there and listen to Tori slagging Jade off, but he wasn't going to defend his girlfriend's actions either. If he was being completely honest with himself, he didn't know what he was going to do._

 _/_

 _It was past midnight before he next heard from Jade; least to say, he wasn't expecting to be awoken (well, can you be woken up if you weren't really asleep?) by his less-than-jaunty ringtone, which had been set by Jade herself. Despite his anger, or maybe it was mere exhaustion, he found himself smiling, as he accepted the call._

 _The first thing he heard was a sniff, followed by a snivel, until his ears were filled with the sound of her crying._

 _"Jade?" he said, groggily. "Come over, it's okay."_

 _He heard the RV's door open; he'd left it unlocked, as usual, since Jade seemed to have a liking to appearing in the middle of the night._

 _"That was fast," he chuckled, walking over to her, stumbling slightly in the dark. They both shivered, as she shut the door behind her._

 _"I don't deserve to be forgiven," she whimpered, trying her hardest to keep her voice level._

 _"No, you don't. But I'm going to end up doing it anyway, after I've been pissed off," he said, opening his arms to her._

 _"I thought so," she sighed, relief washing over her, as she welcomed his embrace._

* * *

 ** _*author's note*_**

 ** _so...it's been a while_** ◑.◑

 ** _(i also said that the last time i published - oops :P)_**

 ** _i am still drowning in schoolwork, more so than i was, and i still hate myself, again, more so. i don't even make sense anymore. i owe you guys an apology and a chapter longer than this, but i guess i have some explaining to do first. so: where have i been? short answer: school; long answer: school. i'm in my final year of high school and, starting 14th May, i have a month-long exam period, so...um...help. i am incredibly screwed. anywhoooo_**

 ** _my phone broke (as if i needed that on top of everything else) so i have lost all my icloud notes (which is where i recycled the chapters from devoid of emotion). so that's fucking brilliant._**

 ** _because of the stress i've been under because of school, i managed to isolate myself from my friends (which wasn't helped by the Easter holidays) and had a few days where i struggled to motivate myself to do anything other than watch Game of Thrones (12/10 recommend, all of the stans were right, it is INCREDIBLE)_**

 ** _so there's that. do with it what you will. i'll try to upload as much as i can in the run up to summer, but don't expect too much. hopefully once i'm finished with school, i'll be able to take writing off the back-burner and refocus myself; i just have to prioritize school right now. i hope you can understand._**

 ** _if you ever wanna talk to me, either pm me or instagram dm me autumnbade_**

 ** _peace out,_**

 ** _Egan x_**


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